I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
