She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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