I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
