Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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