ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You took a bar mat shot.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
