Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
