Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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