I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
