Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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