Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i out mim tonsoeep
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
