do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
