I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
