dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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