I'm so fucking centered right now
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
