I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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