i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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