I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
