I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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