People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish they made helmets for livers.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
