Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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