I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
