He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
