Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
