i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
pop tarts are not kleenex
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
