I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
