So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
