I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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