you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
