Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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