On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
