You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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