real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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