Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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