Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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