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I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
