Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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