Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
