my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
