You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
