He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
