Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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