I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
