I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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