I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
