Im at strip club and am horny
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
