Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
