they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
