mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
