M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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