she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
