Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
