I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
