my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
